401 - 402 Ghost in the Machine (I & II)
Lawyer: Ms. Michalchuk, how many men have you had sex with?
Paige's lawyer:
Objection!
Paige: Actually, I'd like to answer that! That was my only time. And, I wouldn’t choose to loose my virginity
upstairs, at a house party, with a guy I'd known for an hour!
Paige: I did make you jealous!
Spinner: Okay. Put me in traction for asking whatever but what the hell is going on with-
(Paige tries taking off
Spinner's shirt)
Paige: Wow you're so tough.
Spinner: What are you doing?!
Paige: What do you mean?!
Spinner:
Paige!
Paige: What?! I'm easy! Everyone knows it. The judge, my mother, now you! Like Dean! Just get me alone, do whatever
you want. No one will stop you. What? You don't want me?
Spinner: Not right now, no.
Paige: ‘Cause Dean got
there first?
Spinner: You have to let that go!
Paige: You want me to just let it go? Like someone was rude or stole
my seat at lunch.
Spinner: No that's not what I . . . ! I just, I want my girlfriend back. I want Paige back!
Paige:
You don't even know her.
Spinner: That's stupid.
Paige: The truth? Paige went upstairs that night. She never came
back. You know what I would really like, if I never had to see your idiotic face again!! Okay, how about that?
Paige: Hello?
Spinner: Paige!
Paige: Where are you!!
Spinner: Cop shop 55.
Paige: You didn't make me your one phone call Spin.
Spinner:
Failure to remain at the scene of an accident, mischief, and dangerous driving. I'm scared.
Paige: You didn't do anything!!
Spinner: Dean called the police with my license plate number. He told them I did it.
Paige: No-
Spinner: You've
been through enough okay. I saw you go through enough. You're safe. I just wanted to tell you.
Cop: Time's up. Your mother's
here.
Spinner: Bye Paige.
Spinner: I can’t do this anymore!
Paige: Do what?
Spinner: This! Us!
Jimmy: What was that?
Paige: Did he just dump me?
Ashley: Listen, I didn't mean to be all weird yesterday.
Craig: You weren't weird. You just ignored me . . . which I guess is sort of weird. Sorry, now I'm being weird.
Ashley:
Look. I was hoping we could be friends but as soon as I saw you . . .
Craig: You got sucked into some bizarre last year
time warp?
Ashley: Yeah . . . so good birthday?
Ashley: You know you guys should try going a little more post-Emo. Still punk,
but less mopey.
Craig: I don't think the other guys even know what regular emo is. Spinner probably thinks it's a muppet.
Craig: Well, my freak of a dad
left me this check for 10 grand in his will.
Ashley: Are you serious?
Craig: Yeah, the guy is half eaten by worms
and he's still trying to buy me. Pathetic.
Manny: Aww! They're so cute. Remember
when we were that afraid of Degrassi?
JT: Remember when we were that short!?
Danny: Do you remember where the principal's
office is?
JT: Yeah it's downstairs, through the foyer and to the left.
Danny: Good go on down. I need to spend time
alone with your girlfriend.
403 King of Pain
Paige:
Alex?
Craig: As in "most likely to succeed in killing someone" Alex?
Alex: We'll ask the crowd at the assembly tomorrow: who would they rather vote
for? The freak, or the queer. By the way, I'm the freak.
Marco:
Hey! Queer? Sure. Odd? Why not. Strange? You bet. I love this school and I promise if you vote for me I will bring Degrassi
together in freakish harmony for the first time. For real.
Marco: I get to pick my vice president.
Alex: I get
to pick my nose.
Dylan - So, how does it feel to
be the most powerful man at Degrassi?
Marco - Mixing me up with Mr. Raditch, eh? Not cool, nor flattering.
Emma: It's just, what will people think of me if Chris
goes out with Liberty next?
Manny: That's . . . that's the meanest thing I've ever heard you say. And that's really saying something.
Liberty: Emma you’re dead to me.
404 Mercy Street
Emma: We don't want you at Degrassi.
Rick: I have the
right to an education.
Emma: I don't care.
JT: I saw him in the locker room
. . . naked. And it became obvious to me that he has something that I don't.
Manny: You know what JT! Craig does have
something that you don't. Maturity! And I don't mean his size! I mean the way he acts. You're always farting and joking around.
JT: I'm sorry! Just give me another chance okay? I can change!
Manny: No JT, I'm sorry. It's over.
Rick: All those people who hate
me, I want to let them see who I really am. Show them how wrong they are.
Emma: Well they're not interested Rick.
Rick:
They will be. Someday.
Spinner's verse from Kid Elrick:
I wants to find me a girl to love, A girl with wealth and class. But most of all, I wants to find me a girl, With a bootylicious-
Mrs. Kwan: Enough, Gavin!
405 Anywhere I Lay My Head
Ellie: I can’t. My dad is
in the service! If the call came in that he was injured, or worse, my mom would-
Sean: Would what? Crack open her third
bottle for the night?
Ellie: I’m not talking about this.
Sean: Let me make it simple: move in! With someone
who loves you.
Ellie: I'm sorry. She needs me.
Sean: Well, this is finished (picks up poster). No one cares about
auto shop anyways.
Jay: Nice housewarming.
Sean:
Yeah. But she'll go back home. Maybe next time her mom'll burn down the whole place.
Alex: Now that would be a housewarming.
Jay: So basically this is a "bon voyage, good bye, thanks for all the sex party".
Ellie: Pick one, mom! Knife! Razor!
Mrs. Nash: What are you doing? What is this?
Ellie: What’s best for
me, mom? Because if I stay here I’m gonna do it again. You’re making me do it again!
Mrs. Nash: Ellie . . .
Ellie: This is what it costs. Your drinking made me cut myself!
Mrs. Nash: No baby! Oh my god. You need to
understand-
Ellie:
No, you have to understand . . . why I can’t keep living with you.
Spinner: Any more
bitter and she’d be a lemon.
Craig (“Devil
in the Moon,” Downtown Sasquatch): Old enough to know better, still too young to care.
406 Islands
in the Stream
Hazel:
I love soup.
Paige: That was random.
Ashley: Hey, soup's good!
Craig:
Well, that movie was surreal.
Marco: It wasn't surreal. If it were surreal, Koback would have been played by, like, a goat.
Craig:
There's so much to be jealous about, Spin. I mean . . . your charm, your way with women.
Spinner: You're crazy, man.
Craig:
Ooh, nice comeback, genius.
Alex:
Not that I'd ever admit this, but I used to be scared of you.
Paige: Please! I'm so not scary.
Alex: No. You're a coward
and a suck, because if my boyfriend showed up here and treated me that way, I’d be shopping for a new boyfriend.
Spinner:
Anyway . . . what I came here to tell you is that . . . in the end all my thoughts come back to you.
409 Back in Black
Marco: I am shaken. I want to turn back time. I need, I need to believe that life’s better than
this.
Sean: I’m full of love today!!
Sean: Look, for
the first time in my life, I need to be here, with my parents, to deal.
410 Neutron Dance
Jimmy: Ashley?
Craig: Yeah, she’s been coming to rehearsals. Advising . . . stuff.
Jimmy: Ok. Is that what you’re calling it these days?
Marco: Hey, Craig, we have a problem
Craig: Oookay, so let’s talk.
Spinner: Ash has gotta go.
Marco: Woah, Sticks, hey, slow it down . . . Ash has gotta go.
Ellie: Guys suck, Ashley. They enjoy messing with our feelings
and then sticking us with the rent. Just don’t come crying to me when he "Craigs" out on you.
Alex: You and the
Furby just broke up. It's okay to be single for twenty minutes.
411 - 412 Voices Carry (I & II)
Spinner:
It’s what you gave up for Miss Band Breaker-Upper.
Craig:
Me - independent and walking. You - study my butt leaving.
Craig:
Convince her I’m not Satan’s kin.
Craig: Ash is thisclose to dumping me.
Jimmy: It is her turn, right?
Craig: (pulls out package of condoms) Never again will I be without.
Craig: Oh! I’m sorry. For whatever I did I instantly apologize.
Ashley: He’s my dad.
Craig: But I’m your Craig.
Ashley: I hate to leave you.
Craig: So don’t leave me.
Craig: I wanna bottle this. Get drunk on this for the rest of my life.
Craig: Ash, last night I asked you to marry me, and you said no.
Ashley: I did?
Craig: Is there a reason you’re calling me first thing? Being all nice?
Ashley: I can’t marry you . . . yet. But I want to, I do.
Craig: So that’s a someday?
Ashley: That’s a yes.
Jimmy: You and Ash are getting married?
Craig: Congratulations! Any time.
Jimmy: You’re sixteen! Don’t you wanna wait for, I dunno, graduation? Maybe an occupation?
Jimmy: Are you drunk? Are you high or are you just out of your mind?
Craig: Ash, I need you.
I need you.
Joey: What is happening
to my son?
Craig: So you’re
here. With me.
Ashley: Absolutely.
JT: United we stand!
Divided, we suck.
Liberty: I’ve crushed on you for four years.
JT: My stomach hurts
a little.
413 Bark at the Moon
Paige: Ow! Leg cramp.
Marco: Ow! Unwise decision.
414 - 415 Secret (I & II)
Craig: Who’s a sicko?
Ellie: Me, after seeing that compost on your tray.
Craig: It’s goulash.
Ellie: It’s goodbye.
Craig: Mmmm. Goulash. I figure any food with goo in the name has to be good.
Ashley: Have you ever thought about going to a support group?
Craig: For goulash lovers?
Craig: Ash. I wanna be your boyfriend.
Ashley: Of course. We went through this a couple months ago, remember?
Craig: I wanna be that boyfriend. Not the . . . crazy guy you gotta save all the time. I wanna talk about
music, and movies, and yes, goulash.
Jimmy: I need to see something beyond you two and these ugly ass walls.
Marco: I though it’d be cool to look like ninjas.
Jimmy: That was so incredibly stupid.
Craig: You’re here, aren’t you? Breathing fresh
bar air.
416 Eye of the Tiger
Spinner: You should hate me.
Jimmy: That takes too much energy.
Jay: Cause if you wanna be punished . . . I can slap you around myself.
JT: Rolling on cement with you . . . rolling in the water with your sister . . .
Danny: She’s the smartest girl in school and you don’t even have an IQ. You don’t deserve
her.
417 Queen of Hearts
Craig: Marco, with your hair all big like that, you kinda look like Ashley.
Jimmy: Alex, a heart.
Try to find one.
Alex: We’re here to defeat you.
Alex: The hockey boys are waiting.
Paige: I wanna see your private Bohemian man-lair.
Mr. O/Matt: Beyond that, I'm a student like you. Except I live in a pit hole apartment. There. All the
glamour this relationship ever had. Gone.
Paige: You said relationship. Which means I get to stay.
418 Modern Love
(after Chris mocks Emma)
Mr. Matt Oleander: Ok. See me after class. We’ll have a lesson on respect.
Mr. Simpson: Thanks, Mr. Oleander.
Manny: All you think
about is your own butt, which probably does require a lot of thought, given that it’s HUGE!!!
Paige: Just, try to look cute on Monday, so it all feels like it was worth it.
Paige: I want you to know. You would have been worth losing my year over.
Matt: Except I wouldn’t have been worth very much if I let you do that. And I wouldn’t have
let you do it. You know that right? Not because of guilt, or me being a gentleman, or . . .
Paige: Guess the good news is: doesn’t matter who sees us in the park.
Matt: Yeah, that is the good news.
Marco: It's all vinegar under the bridge.
419 Moonlight Desires
Marco: This way, I can graduate after first semester’s done. Maybe even move in with Dylan before
university. (aghast looks of Alex, Ellie and Craig) My boyfriend . . . alright, you guys know I’m gay, right?
Ellie: Umm . . . I’m stuck on “graduating early.”
Craig: I’m on “move in with Dylan.”
Alex: My ex, formerly known as Jay Hogart, screwed around with every girl at this school. It’s not
a gay thing. Promiscuity, it’s a guy thing.
Craig: Hey, didn’t I hear that you clocked Amy for being equally trampy?
Ellie: Oh, and how’s Ash, Craig? Or are you back with Manny? It’s hard to tell, when you secretly
dated them both, at the same time.
Craig: Let’s just call it a people thing.
Ellie: Let’s call it a choice. Monogamy, wow, what a difficult thing.
Craig: You know what? You are a great guy. The most honest, down to earth, nicest person that I know.
You’re a little short, but, that just adds to the cuteness . . . that I would find you to be, if, you were a girl, or
I was not a guy, who is not gay . . . Just tell me this is helping.
Craig: So when in doubt you kiss Craig?!?!
Marco: I have to settle this with Dylan, huh?
Craig: Yeah you do! You really really do!
Dylan: So what do you want me to say?
Marco: That I made you jealous?
Dylan: It was Craig.
Marco: I don’t want you to see other people. I don’t like it, and I’m not gonna like
it, and I’m not gonna feel bad that it bugs me.
Dylan: How I feel about you, this changes none of that.
Marco: That’s fine and okay, but you see, it changes how I feel about me.
Spinner: If I’m still serving you ten years from now, kill me, alright?
Jay: Well, study hard and stay in school. Oh, right, you got us expelled.
Jay: Do you want your former friends to suffer? Huh? Do you?
Spinner: I want them back!
Jay: Listen, as your friend substitute, I’m telling you: this isn’t the way. It’s not.
420 West End
Girls
Toby: How come the gay guys always win?
Matt: I’m broke Paige. I’m like selling-my-stuff-eating-macaroni-broke.
Manny: (after Marco tells her that he’ll vote for her as Prom Queen) Hair jewellery, right, that’d
totally fix my sucky life for sure.
Kevin Smith: Hey I know that kid. Hey kid get off my set!
Craig: Sorry. Are you working here?
Kevin Smith: No . . . we’re not . . . it’s ok. Dude, I never work. And that thing, I don’t even know how that operates. Ever seen
one of my flicks? It kinda shows.
Craig: Yeah, I like the one where the guys hang outside the 7-11.
Kevin Smith: Yeah, that kinda narrows it down a bit.
Kevin Smith: Girl trouble? Dude, I’m a fat guy from New Jersey. Yeah, I’ve had girl trouble.
Even when I write and direct the movies, I never get the girl. I always wind up with Jay . . . in some cases a monkey.
Craig: Your music guy said I suck.
Kevin
Smith: Oh dude, he’s persona non gratis. That dude’s got no credibility whatsoever; the day Creed broke up, I
found him in a bathroom stall, and he was crying. Crying.
421 - 422 Going Down the Road (I & II)
Jay: How the hell does
she get to be principal when she doesn’t even speak gooder English like us Americans.
Alanis Morrisette:
Really it wasn’t too subtle for you?
Kevin Smith: Subtle
no, but I do think the PM’s gonna revoke your citizenship.
Kevin Smith: So I’ve
always been a huge fan of Canada, obviously. I love your country; I like it a lot. You don’t invade
other countries, you kinda hang back, try to go unnoticed, so you don’t get invaded, which is very sweet.
Caitlin: How do you
know the sign-off from my old show? No, actually, why?
Kevin Smith: Well if
you’d listened to me the other day, you’d know: cause I’m creepy. I told you. I was a big fan, see? I’ve
got a real thing for pretty girls who chain themselves to trees and say ‘aboot’.
Craig: We’re not going to the airport. There’s been a change of plans.
Kevin
Smith: Spinner, the only thing I know is that making a movie with a bunch of high school kids . . . way worse than making
a movie with Ben Affleck.
Caitlin:
I think you know what you can do with Tessa Campinelli’s address, Snake.
Caitlin:
What kind of movie is this?
Kevin
Smith: It’s my movie, alright, and in my movie Kevin Smith gets to dance with Caitlin Ryan.
Kevin Smith: Hey, just don’t settle, alright, you know, for somebody else’s idea of what the real world
is. You’re just far too cool a chick for that. Pick your own real world. You deserve that much.
Joey: I don’t
want her to go.
Craig: I know, I know.
But I’m here, Angie’s here, and we’re not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere.
Jason Mewes: Yeah – pour champagne all over the recovering addict. Nice.
Kevin Smith: Folks,
I would like to raise a very simple toast: To Degrassi!
